Hey, NIP!
Are you a worrier? I used to be. And it seems the more I talk to others about this topic, the more I discover that we are all worriers in some capacity or another. Over time, however, I’ve learned to not worry—especially about the things over which I have not one iota of control.
My own experience over the years has taught me that the more control one is able to exert over the mind, the capacity to worry-by-default diminishes. As I tamed my mind, I also wrangled the seemingly out of control circumstances around me by deliberate choices. As I mentioned in the “Decisions, Decisions” letter, our ability to choose—even in how we react to certain situations—is perhaps our most powerful faculty. Without mental discipline, we allow ourselves to be subjected to the negative thoughts that not only stifle our personal development, but in time mount up into a pile of needless worries.
What’s a needless worry? Let me give you an example. One of my long standing needless worries was about how/what others thought of me. Initially, this manifested itself as a weight issue. I lacked confidence in myself and my abilities because I was so concerned with my appearance. The most absurd part of this thought process wasn’t that I was overweight—it was that I let my perceptions of other people’s thoughts keep me and my ambitions, dreams, and hopes in check. How did I know what other people were thinking? I didn’t then and still don’t now! I can’t control how other people view me, whether good, bad, or indifferent. What I can control is my own mind and, subsequently, my own choices. The more I learned to accept that which I cannot control, the less I started to worry in general.
We all have needless worries, Nobody, but for you they may be different. The key to putting a stop to them is realizing that they are products of your own mind. And much like any other product of your mind, you can consciously decide their importance or insignificance. This is critical because we all have a tendency to play down our dreams and play up our worries. To combat this, I would suggest being honest with yourself and write down a list of your worries. Begin with the most insignificant ones, too. Writing them down will crystallize them and you can take action from there by recognizing which ones you have control over and those you do not.
The other hallmark of needless worries is that 99% of them will never come true. What’s ludicrous about them, though, is that we make them our reality by letting them run amok in our mind. When I was a teacher and students would start getting worried about their AP or IB exams I always told them this:
If I had any final words to prepare you for the test, they would be these—don’t worry about the test. It’s just a test. But you know what else is? Life. Life is a test. The most important one you’ll ever take and the one you least worry or even think about… To put it as succinctly as possible, most of the things you think that matter and worry you, don’t; most of the things you take for granted and that never worry you, do.
What I mean by those two lines is that we have a tendency to fixate on the microcosm of our lives (which tend to be filled with needless worrying) rather than the macrocosm of life. The minor worries that we play up in our heads are truly insignificant when compared to the gift of life we have all received. We don’t worry about getting into a car accident as we drive to work—something that has the potential to deprive us of life itself—yet we will fret endlessly over silly thoughts that have no real bearing on our lives. I can’t control what others think of me. I know that now. All I can do is consistently and continually give my best and hope that my actions speak for themselves.
As we shift our focus away from worries and self-doubt, we become more confident. All it takes is inching out of your comfort zone. One of the most effective methods for me has been to invert my needless worries. I was never one to take my shirt off, for instance, when I was younger. Obviously embarrassed by my weight, I was plagued by thoughts about how others viewed me. In some ways, this stigma has stayed with me. While I have no qualms about taking my shirt off around others for the most part, there are moments when I have an inexplicable apprehension to do so. I think this is because there will always be that part of my psyche, some lingering part of me will always be that “fat kid.” In moments like those, I usually snap out of it and end up taking my shirt off after realizing that: 1) it doesn’t matter what others think of me, they can accept me for who I am or not—either way, I have no control over the thoughts and feelings of others; 2) the control I do have is over my choices, including preventing my worries to shape me as a person. By making a conscious decision to not let needless worries take root in my mind, I have found that the they spring up less and less.
As I mentioned earlier, most of our worries will never come true. Usually if they do, it’s because they’ve become a self-fulfilling prophecy for that person. The worries literally manifest in that person’s life because they are constantly being mulled over. Eventually, we all project into our lives what is in our minds. If it is personal development and excellence, it will come to fruition; if it is personal devolution and mediocrity, that outcome shall be so. By training our minds to focus on our dreams, our strengths, and our principles, we have the ability to transcend worry. It’s not to say that they don’t exist, but our worries don’t ever phase us when we maintain our focus and continue to do our best in every situation.
Worries usually stem from a past we can longer alter or a future that is not even our reality. But we treat them as if they are real. They are not. They are just as insubstantial as any of the other thoughts flying around up there in your head. The thoughts I choose to act upon are the ones I know will aid me in my ceaseless quest to become who I am capable of being—a better person. Now it’s your turn, Nobody. Think about or perhaps even write out some of the things you constantly worry about. Are they worth your time? Your mental energy? You’ll probably find that most of them are not. There is no point in worrying about anything if it’s not part of your immediate, physical reality. If it’s not happening now, it’s not happening period. In time you’ll find that as your mind becomes more resilient, your productivity will increase and you’ll be chasing down that better version of you that you know exists. And once that starts happening, you’ll just be too busy and focused on personal growth to even have time to worry about anything else…
There’s really nothing to worry about, NIP!
Namaste, pax vobiscum, and much love 🙏❤️🙇♂️
- Ryan / Phunky
P.S. - Want to share your worries or other ideas, please leave a comment below!
The boss battle we all deal with! Thank you for this great article. When I personally hear others’ thoughts on this, it makes me feel more comfortable. I realize it’s the nature of life & we just need to take it under control, so it won’t eat us up, or keep us from moving!
Becoming aware of your thoughts is a very powerful tool. I discovered it from reading "The Nature of Personal Reality" by Jane Roberts <-- Go read this book. I had previously just let my brain run riot, leading to deep depression. Awareness that some of my thoughts weren't serving me, was an absolute life changer. You get to choose what you think and what you believe. Now when I notice that my thoughts aren't serving me, I tell my brain to shut up. Sounds crazy, but it works for me. Nice article Phunky!