I Am Human

How Serendipity Brought Me The Words I Needed to Hear

Dear Nobody in Particular,

Hello my friend! Once again it has been too long and several weeks lapsed between letters, but I hope that you and your family have been well during that time. I’ll cut right to the chase and lay it all out for everyone to see:

I’m struggling, and have been for a while now…

I wanted to start today’s brief letter here because I want you, Nobody in Particular, to know that I’m no different than anyone else. I can’t tell you how many times people say to me, “How do you manage to do so much?”

The honest answer is I don’t know, but it feels like this 😅

About 6 weeks ago during Bitcoin Miami I told my colleague and good friend that my life currently exists in a creative tension between me trying to do as much as humanly possible while my anxiety is in the back of my head constantly fretting it will all come crashing down at any moment—and that’s not a good place to be in.

Sure, on the outside I may look super productive and that I can be all things to everyone, but it comes at a cost and I did not realize how steep until recently. I may be one to preach moderation and a balanced approach to others, yet I have a difficult time with this myself.

The other problem I’ve always had is that I say YES to everyone and every thing. I am a people-pleaser for better or worse, and not having boundaries and always being nice to everyone has gotten me into trouble a number of times in my life. The worst part of this is that I know that none of it is sustainable and will only cause more trouble in the long run.

So why am I telling you this, Nobody? For one, it’s cathartic to do so. I feel as if I have been harboring a secret and just need to share my struggles more openly because I don’t want to slide into what could quickly become a downward spiral. I’ve been there before when I was young, and I hope never to go back to that place.

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

Perhaps equally as important, I don’t want to give the false impression to others that I am some sort of Superman who is completely impervious to negative emotions, anxiety, overthinking, or even run of the mill stress.

But then something happened in the middle of this week—I happened to join a friend’s Twitter Space on “positive self talk” and whether or not this was a mental strategy that can build resilience. Though I was just listening and only caught the tail end, the part that I did hear gave me a wave of relief and reminded me of an all too important fact—I AM HUMAN.

What does that mean? Well, just that. As humans we are not perfect. We have our own faults and foibles, make mistakes, and let others down from time to time. What’s worse, we often save the stress explosions for those who are often dearest to us, and these are the people who are the least deserving of our tirades when we snap.

But the way my friend Albert described this phrase as a form of positive self-talk was full of self-care. He described it as an antifragile form of self-talk because it produces both recognition and strength. When things go wrong even when we’ve tried our best, we must remind ourselves, “I am human,” which entails everything I said above. We are not perfect and never will be. We must accept our limitations and acknowledge our weaknesses. And perhaps more importantly it’s also a form of self-forgiveness. A small grace we must give to ourselves—and even more critically, to others—because it is the best way to come back to baseline and take that next step forward in our journey.

I realize that this letter may not be the most encouraging one I’ve written, but it comes from the heart, and that alone may encourage self-reflection and recognition of our limits in others. Don’t be too tough on yourself. I know from experience how easy it can be to pile on in your own mind when the stress starts to mount, Nobody, but it’s always counterproductive. After many years of meditation I have learned to largely turn down the volume on the negative mental chatter that still chimes in, but there are times when I can’t and my anxiety really starts to ramp up.

But now I have a new mantra to combat it when it does. A new reminder that gets me to stop, take a few deep breaths, and tell myself that I am human—and all that that blessing entails. I will continue to wake up each day grateful to be alive, and I hope you do too. As I close in on my 48th birthday, I am reminded that life has seasons, some of which are like a bountiful harvest of beauty day after day, and others can be filled with the cold biting winds of struggle whipping in our faces for weeks at a time. Thorough it all, however, regardless of whatever season it may be, we should remind ourselves—not only at our lows, but even our highs—that we are human. We can and should strive to give our best each and every day, but we must also recognize that sometimes it won’t be enough…and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

I do hope in the coming weeks to find a better balance for all that I am trying to do, including writing a weekly letter. Perhaps this particular season I am experiencing has a lot to do with launching our first charity initiative and how crazy life has become since going full time in Web3, or it could just be my own fault because I have a terrible habit of wanting to constantly provide value to everyone everywhere all at once—either way, thank you for taking the time to read these letters and join me on this journey. I do hope that they have brought you some measure of solace and/or solidarity since I began writing at the beginning of the year.

Thank you for being here to read these words, Nobody in Particular. I appreciate it more than you know 🫶

Namaste, Pax Vobisicum, and Much Love,

Ryan / Phunky 🙏❤️🙇‍♂️